Sunday, July 31
got a hamster. and lost my phone. in that order. my life is in shambles. i am distraught. this is not over-reacting. i've lost everything. pictures. sweet old messages i could never bring myself to delete that i will never be able to read again. half-written poems stored in my outbox. that voice recording of the day we spent at chris's house before she left. numbers of friends i may never meet again. what can i say? don't ever be too happy, because the fates get jealous and steal your happiness away.
jean bought me a hamster. her name is page. because she's an adorable white dwarf hamster with some blackish line down her back. like words on a page. jean thought of the name. i was going to name her snow white. hahahah. i thought she hated me because it took us forever to catch her in the cage. but we were pretty sure we wanted her. the other white one was like a ball of fur. characterless. this one, on the other hand, had loads of spunk. i hate boring things. and animals. they'd better either be entertaining or smart at least. yes i am unreasonable. got a problem? so right now page is snoozing away on her wheel. i was kind enough to get her a wheel because i didn't want her to be sad and lonely. trouble is, she won't leave it now.. but she doesn't hate me anymore. she's stopped squeaking whenever i try to carry her and she hasn't bitten once. she just trembles a lot. she must be the first living thing [janet included] to hate my scent or something. ah well. at least now i'm not the only one breathing in my room. and when i wake up i can play with her and push away all guilty thoughts about my phone.
don't feel like taking the kids to labrador park tomorrow. so tired. a bit drained. plus tons of work to do. but it's my duty to. so i'm just going to have to grin and bear it. if i play the cards right, the world would never know.. i can't shirk.. can i? i've shirked from almost everything in hwachong. skipping school regularly on mc. skipping school functions. everything. i wonder why i feel no committment to it. it's not my school. just this place i'm forced to go to. i can't explain. do i even need to? i like page a lot. she doesn't care that i'm a lousy student or that i'm fat and ugly or that i can't ever get anything right. she won't care just as long as i feed her and wash her cage and treat her right. i think there's a lot to be said about unconditional love. when i grow up, i won't even need a soulmate. a dog will do. rather fond of golden retrievers. i think i'll get one. it's late. this is goodbye.
it must've been love.
12:36 am
xoxo
